It's been almost two years since my daughter’s open heart surgery. She was just four at the time. I remember every range of emotions that I personally went through during that process.
From the time her doctor noticed the abnormal heart murmur to the day we were released from the hospital after the surgery. It was a time I will never forget.
She underwent multiple tests as the cardiologist sought a clearer picture, the last one being a cardiac MRI.
I remember sitting in the waiting area of the hospital with my coffee and journal. I kept hoping that everything would come out perfect and we could continue on with our lives.
But halfway through her exam the cardiologist walked out with two nurses and asked me to go with them into a conference room.
My heart stopped.
He proceeded to tell me what they had found, a heart defect that was causing her heart to work harder than it should have been. He drew pictures for me on a white board and explained the many medical terms. Then he said the words “open heart surgery” and my heart dropped.
It felt unreal.
He continued explaining the surgery, what it would entail and what the recovery would be like.
He explained risks, things to consider and the difficult things she could encounter if we didn't go through with the surgery. He assured me this was the best route.
Meanwhile in my head all I could think about was that my little girl needed to lie on a bed with her heart exposed to be “fixed” by human hands.
It was so much to process, so much to take in.
When he finished and asked me if I had any questions I sat there for a moment, speechless.
All I could say was,“I’ve been listening and processing everything you’re telling me. It’s a lot to take in... do you mind if I just pray?”
At that moment I didn't care to think whether that would be allowed, or whether it would make them uncomfortable. I just knew that it was what I needed.
The doctor very kindly agreed and replied, “Prayer is the best medicine.”
I bowed my head in that conference room with the doctor and the two nurses and I just thanked God. I thanked him that this had been discovered, I thanked him for the medical staff and I thanked him for the miracle he would do through them.
That's all I could do. It was not a moment to break down or collapse in fear.
This was a moment when my faith was being tested.
Through my shock and many thoughts I had a choice, either to have faith or to freak out.
And freaking out was not going to be it.
As shaken as I had felt a few minutes prior, after I prayed there was a peace in the room.
There was a peace in my heart.
It’s a kind of peace that only comes from God. This peace does not rely on what the human eyes see or comprehend. It is a supernatural peace that goes beyond our understanding and rests solely on the fact that God is God and he is sovereign.
This day was the beginning of a journey that molded our family greatly. We had to overcome emotional, relational and spiritual challenges.
But God was always there, every step of the way.
There were many moments during those months where I sat in private and let my tears flow. Times where I allowed my vulnerable humanity to be exposed before a perfect loving God who understood. I cried scared and painful tears, but God always reminded me that he was present and all I needed to do was focus on him.
I saw my daughter sedated, connected to a million tubes and wires. Now I watch her run and play freely with endless energy. I seriously believe she has more energy than any of us! God knew all along that she would be fine. He was just focused on the process my heart needed to go through for his greater plan.
And I am so thankful for that journey.
You who are reading this, be encouraged and know that God’s plan for your life is full of good thoughts. Even in the midst of painful trials.
When you give your life to God he is there to walk with you through every challenge, every fear and every wave that comes crashing down.
He will not leave you alone!
Be willing to let go and trust him.
Do not let fear rob you of your security and rest in God.
Isaiah 26:3 says "You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you."
Find peace in knowing that when you are a child of God and your eyes are set on him, he will not let you down. He will keep you in perfect peace.
That is a promise that God will forever keep.
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